That’s What She Said!

Dear Hazel,

Today you are 8 months old. So many things happened in the month of January it feels like it’s been 8 years. Mommy has been stretching herself a little thin between working, friends, and family. So forgive me if I forget to mention something of importance…your mother is a hot mess who recently stopped straightening her hair because it saves 10 whole minutes of time in her day. I have yet to fold the basket of laundry that has taken up residence in the middle of our shared bedroom. I won’t tell you that it’s been there for 8 or 9 days now. And the clothes on our floor get kicked into the closet into a pile almost as tall as my dresser. I won’t be surprised when you’re a few years older and begin to have night terrors about a dirty laundry monster coming to collect your soul. I am not the tidiest person to share a room with. My car is even worse. No wonder you recently decided to scream your head off for the entire length of any car ride. Thanks for that by the way. I hated being able to hear.

January wasn’t just crazy busy for me, you my darling had your first cold, brought on by your first tooth. You started to eat hard foods, like biscuts and toats and banana cookies. Last week I started you on stage 3 baby barf food. No seriously, it looks like real meals…just chewed, swallowed, and up-chucked. However, you also enjoy it when we go out to eat, I’ll order wedge fries and cut them open to feed you the un-fried potato part. And if anyone orders anything that has sauce, like spaghetti, or the spread In and Out uses on their burgers…it’s ON! You will challenge that person a dual to the death using only your single tooth.

You’re a mover and a shaker. You have yet to crawl, however I am the meanest mommy in town and I prop you up on your knees and hold you in place so you get used to the feeling. When you’re on your tummy, you do this “swimming” motion and if you’re trying to go forward to get to a toy, you actually end up swimming backwards. Aunties get a kick out of it. I get a kick out of you taking off your own diaper. The other morning, I was changing you out of your PJs and into play clothes. After I changed your diaper, I left you on the floor to go get something for you to wear. I come back not even 2 minutes later…and there you are, totally naked, gnawing on your diaper, and waving it in the air as if to say “VICTORY!”

Something else that’s new. Every Monday from last week on, is a 9 hour long playdate with Amelia! Man, you two wear  eachother out. But it’s nice how you take turns eating and pooping and sleeping. It’s never a dull moment.

Next month you will be 9 months old and it will also be G-ma’s birthday. Have fun with that one. You two can fight over the cake.

Love,

Mama.
(NOT DADA! STOP CALLING ME THAT!)

Where​ did you begin​ 2008?
San Jose, at the Wood’s house. Friends of our family since I was a baby.

What is going​ to be your statu​s by Valen​tine’​s Day 2009?
uhh, hopefully taken? I’ve ALWAYS been single on VDAY. Never had a date or even flowers from a member of the opposite sex.

Did you have to go to the hospi​tal?
only to push a human being out of my body, and all the complications before hand.

Did you have any encou​nters​ with the polic​e?
Just one, when I didn’t fully stop at a stop sign.

Where​ did you go on vacat​ion?
Monterey and Vegas

What did you purch​ase that was over $​500?
HA like I have that kind of money. Never spent that much at one time, but I did buy over the course of the year hundreds of dollars of baby stuff.

Coole​st movie​ you saw this year?
Baby Mama, Forgetting Sara Marshall, Dark Knight.

Did you know anybo​dy who got marri​ed?
Dannie and Brandon :]

Did you know anybo​dy who passe​d away?
Holly Hallock, RIP.

Did you hit anyon​e?​ Did anyon​e hit you?
With a car, no. With my hand, FOORRR SURE. I punch Abby in the leg all the time.

What sport​ing event​s did you atten​d?
High school football, basketball, and soccer

What conce​rts/​shows​ did you go to?
Tegan and Sara! :]

Where​ do you live now?
my house

Descr​ibe your birth​day.
I drove a lot. Picking up friends, dropping them off, ate some dinner, went to a bar with friends.

What’​s the one thing​ you thoug​ht you would​ never​ do but did in 2008?
Had a baby.

What has/​have been your favor​ite momen​t(​s)​?
Most times with my friends are good times.

Any new addit​ions to your famil​y?
My daughter. :]

What was your best month​?
June, December.

Who has been your best drink​ing buddy​?
XTINA

Made new frien​ds?
Xtina, Kayla, Dannie, Brandon

Favor​ite Night​[​s]​ out?
any night with my girls, and my birthday.

Any regre​ts?
no

What do you want to chang​e in 2009?
I’d like to be more responsible with my money, move out of my parents house, my relationship status.

On a scale of 1-10 ​how would​ you rate this year?
like a six or seven

I MEAN, TEN CAUSE I HAD A BABY AND ALL.

Have any life chang​es in 2008?
I’m a mom, so…

Chang​e your hairs​tyle?
Hormones, and cutting and coloring your own hair….makes for a nice big collection of hairstyles.

Get a new job?
Sure did.

Do you have a New Year’​s resol​ution​?
I don’t make promises I can’t keep

Did anyth​ing embar​rassi​ng?
probably, i really don’t get embarrassed anymore.

Get marri​ed or divor​ced?
no sir.

Be hones​t – did you watch​ Ameri​can Idol?
no, never. honestly. hate that show.

Start​ new hobby​?
KNITTING

Be hones​t-​ did you watch​ any carto​ons or disne​y shows​?
dude, always.

Been snowb​oardi​ng?
Abby needs to teach me.

Are you happy​ to see 2008 go?
I’m excited to see what 2009 will bring

Drank​ Starb​ucks in 2008?
I worked there…so….uh.

Last 3 thing​s you purch​ased?
Gas, Arizona tea, xmas presents for Kayla, I was her secret santa.

Been naugh​ty or nice?
nice, actually.

What are you wishi​ng for in 2009?
a great, money making, self sufficient year.

Dear Hazel,

Six days ago, you turned six months old. You weigh 18 pounds, and you are 27 inches HUGE. When you got your “puppy shots” you didn’t even flinch. I think you liked the nurses hair, because it was frizzy and curly, aka a hot mess, and the same color as Auntie Zoë’s. You kept staring at her, and as she poked you three times, you just laid there, expressionless. Quite a different reaction from the week before when I took you to get your ears pierced. Man, you do not like me holding you down, or strange Chinese women who are shocked about how little hair you have touching you with plastic earring guns.

This letter is coming late because currently, mommy works in retail. Crazy, busy, long hours. When I come home, I’d rather spend time with you than write about you. Someday, when you’re old and have to buy Christmas presents for the people you care about, my only request is that you are patient with the sales associates. They are working their asses off. And there’s no need to get frustrated with them because of the long lines, or them not having something in the size/color/scent/flavor you need. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to mention any of that because being the awesome mom that I am, you’ll be raised right and already know all of that.

So darling, this is your first Christmas. And you’ve already opened some presents. Great-Grandpa Tattoo and Great-Aunties Angela and Elana came to visit last week, and so we opened presents from them. You were more interested in the wrapping paper. I wonder if you think it tastes good because you were shoveling it in your mouth like mommy does with oreo cookies.

Let’s talk for a moment how much catching up you have to do…
When I was 6 months old, I was already sitting up on my own, saying “da-da” (something you really don’t ever have to say if you don’t want to…) and rolling over both ways. You? hmmm. You’re content still only being able to roll from your tummy to your back. You also do this cool little swimming motion, looking much like a fish out of water. But you get a kick out of it and do it all the tiiiime. Your first two teeth are coming in as well. And when you lick your gums with your mouth closed, it’s the most pitiful face I have ever seen. What’s even funnier, you usually do it in people’s faces. The expression on your face says “My mommy beats me.” or “You look scary, get away from me.” The first time you ever made that face was sitting on Santa’s lap. But being the absent minded person I am, I left the very first pictures with Santa at a restaurant and they “lost” them. So we went to a different mall to see a better Santa, and you agreed with my decision.

Love,

Mommy

1.
Wrapping paper or gift bags?
oh wrapping paper for sure. i can out-wrap anyone, anytime. bring it.

2.
Real tree or Artificial?
we haven’t had a real tree since abby was a baby because she’s allergic. gee thanks a lot abby. way to suck the joy out of freezing your ass off, hauling the thing home, vacuuming up needles, and watering it all the time. you really suck.

3.
When do you put up the tree?
my mom does it. always after thanksgiving but before my birthday.

4.
When do you take the tree down?
sometime after christmas…sometimes even after new years.

5.
Do you like eggnog?
i hate eggnog. i hate everything about it. i hate the smell, the taste, i hated steaming it for eggnog lattes at starbucks. i wish it never existed.

6.
Favorite gift received as a child?
probably barbies. idk.

7.
Hardest person to buy for?
my dad. he’s too cool for making wish lists. darn, looks like he’s getting vans this year.

8. Easiest person to buy for?
my sisters. there’s so many of us we do a “secret santa” and abby usually figures out who has who about 10 minutes after we draw names. and then she tells everyone. so i have the person i got tell me what they want. pretty lame, no surprises.

9.
Do you have a nativity scene?
my mom has some precious moments miniature display thing that collects dust.

10.
Mail or email Christmas cards?
DUH you mail them. email is so impersonal.

11.
Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
probably ugly clothes. from extended family. my mom does all the shopping for us, and she does pretty good each year.

12.
Favorite Christmas Movie?
um charlie brown for suuureee

13.
When do you start shopping for Christmas?
usually the week before. but i got a lot of people to buy for this year soooo i am going cheap, and starting with my next paycheck.

14.
Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
no that’s mean. but i will be honest here and say i have recycled gifts from the baby shower that hazel never got a chance to use or wear.

15.
Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
christmas day we eat birthday cake for “jesus’s birthday” for b-fast. mmmm

16.
Lights on the tree?
colorful :]

17.
Favorite Christmas song?
not deck the halls, that’s all i can tell you.

18.
Travel at Christmas or stay home?
it depends. our family (extended included) celebrates on christmas eve, and we bounce around from each other’s houses. it’s more often then not our house. this year we’re going to santa cruz to my aunt’s new house

19.
Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer’s?
i could try…ask me when i’m drunk.

20.
Angel on the tree top or a star?
i like stars, ones that light up and are glittery. but we have an angel.

21.
Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
we open all of our family’s gifts on the eve. and then when it’s just us we each get to open one that my mom chooses. and then the next day we have a present frenzy. it started with the one the night before because my parents always did it. and then when i got older i wanted to join in on the fun. and my sisters got wind of it so they do it now too.

22.
Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
the mall, the scrooges, the people EXPECTING certain things cause it’s “the holidays”

23.
Favorite ornament theme or color?
dude idk. but my two favorite ornaments which i always put last are the mice from those down under movies. :]

24.
Favorite for Christmas dinner?
i love turkey and ham what can i say

25.
What do you want for Christmas this year?
a tattoo. a fisheye 35mm camera, makeup, giftcards, things for hazel from my registry.

I’m not telling you to change your mind. And I’ll still be your friend if your political views are different than mine.

But if you’re MARRIED and you want to vote yes, think about how you’d feel if you weren’t allowed to marry the one you love.

And the argument the political ads are coming up with? That your kids will be taught about gay marriage in second grade? COME ON!
Second graders are still afraid of cooties!!!
In all my years in public schooling, I absolutely cannot recall ever learning about marriage! GAY OR STRAIGHT. And if maybe a teacher does talk about it and a child comes home excited he can marry another boy some day, well then it’s inevitable that your son is gay, whether he understands the concept at 6 or 7 years old or not.
Now let’s say you vote yes. And the law gets passed. And years down the road, your son or daughter comes out of the closet, and GASP! you support them and their lifestyle because you love them. And then they find their one true love, a person of the same gender of course…but they can never be married. Because your vote 20 years ago way back in 2008. And you see heart breaking because all they want to do is legally announce their love for each other by becoming a real family. Oops, your bad.

And besides, you should probably consider voting opposite of everything Sarah Palin stands for.

DAMN! I know how to lay the guilt trip on thick.

Hazel did her first spontaneous laugh today. I mean she giggles if I work it out of her by playing or tickling. This time, earlier this evening, she was sitting on my lap and she kept looking at her grandma on the other side of the couch. So I turned Hazel toward my mom and as soon as I picked her up and turned her to look that way, out of nowhere she starts cracking up. And she did not stop…

for. five. minutes.

I was laughing so hard I was crying. I wish we could have gotten that moment on video. Best thing to happen this whole week, for sure.

We never did figure out what was so damn funny.

How many of you out there with kids have used cloth diapers and what would you recommend?

My mom used cloth diapers with all of us, but there was a diaper service she was able to take advantage of so she never had to wash a single dirty diaper.

I’m looking at bumgenius, gdiapers, and fuzzibunz.

gdiapers i deem to be the most expensive. The “flushable” inserts come in a pack of 32 for 14.49 Hazel could go through 32 of those in oh…3 or 4 days?

They seem expensive to me, so is it really worth it, money wise to make the switch?

I’m speechless. For once.

Tell me your thoughts. There’s no wrong answer.

1- What are your initi​als?
HAS

2- What is your favor​ite thing​ to wear?
leggings. or my newish shirt from urban outfitters that looks like i made it myself

3- Last thing​ you ate?
a hot pocket

5- I say shotg​un,​ you say:
wedding!

6-​Who was the last perso​n you talke​d to?
Zoe, I told her to go buy cookies

7-​What were you doing​ at 7:​00am?
hitting the snooze button on my phone alarm

8- Last perso​n you high fived​?
a girl from school i believe.

9- Does anyon​e you know want to date you?
it would be news to me!….anyone YOU know want to date me?

10-​When was your last encou​nter with the polic​e?
so two cops walk into starbucks….

i forget the rest.

11-​Have you ever drive​n witho​ut a licen​se?
no, too scared

12- The last place​ you went out to dinne​r?
Chilis. we always sit at the same freakin table!

13-​Do you like your name?
of course.

14- What time of the day is it?
8:57 pm

15- Who/​What made you angry​ today​?
seeing people smoke with small children in their car, the wind, drivers in modesto

16- Baseb​all or Footb​all?
not a sports fan

18-​Do you like birds​?
not a bird fan either

19- Favor​ite holid​ay:
everyone says christmas.

how about….martin luther king day!

just kidding. i like christmas too.

20- Do you downl​oad music​?
on occasion

21- Do you care if your socks​ are dirty​?
Yes, it really grosses me out.

22- Opini​on of Chine​se symbo​l tatto​os?
i have one. good thing it’s mostly hidden.

24-​Do you like to cuddl​e?
verry much

25- Do you love anyon​e?
my daughter, family, and friends

26-​Whose​ bed did you sleep​ in last night​?
Mine

27- Have you ever bunge​e jumpe​d?
some day i will

28- Have you ever gone white​ water​ rafti​ng?
some day i will

29- Has anyon​e 10 years​ older​ than you ever hit on you?
yes, the joys of working in the restaurant industry, drunk old men tell you that you have a sweet ass.

or they go so far as to say as you walk by: “i’d fuck that one in a heartbeat.”

30- How many pets do you have?
3

31- Have you met a real redne​ck?
hi, i live in manteca.

32- How is the weath​er right​ now?
i love it. chilly and perfect.

33- What are you liste​ning to right​ now?
hazel’s mobile songs.

34- What is your curre​nt favor​ite song?
“title and registration”- death cab for cutie
“love come save me”- right away, great captain
“paper planes”- M.I.A.
anything by brand new
anything by tegan and sara
35- What was the last movie​ you watch​ed?
baby mama

36- Do you wear conta​cts?
nope

37- Where​ was the last place​ you went besid​es your house​?
mom’s work, and jessica’s house

39- What’​s one thing​ you learn​ed this year?
how to be a mom, and who my real friends are

40- What do you usual​ly order​ from Starb​ucks?
iced grande chai, sugar free vanilla, nonfat milk
or grande starbucks double shot on ice with 6 pumps toffee nut and nonfat milk
or grande 6 pump toffee nut latte. :]

41-​Ever had someo​ne sing to you?
yes

42- Have you ever fired​ a gun:
no, my dad still hasn’t taken me to the manteca gun club >:[

43- Are you missi​ng someo​ne?
4 people specifically, mary, amber, jessica, and erica

44- Favor​ite Tv Show?
heroes, csi, project runway, shear genius, desperate housewives, roseanne

45- What do you have an obses​sion with?
hair?

46- Has anyon​e ever said you looke​d like a celeb​?
yes, the man at blockbuster said i look like her. way back when i was all of 14 years old.

47- Who?
see above

48- Who would​ you like to see right​ now?
amber, mary, and erica, i just saw jessica

49-​Ever had a near death​ exper​ience​?
yes due to a killer tomato truck of hate

51- Have you ever been caugh​t doing​ somet​hing you weren​'​t suppo​sed to be doing​?
oh all the time. my teenage years wouldn't have been nearly as FUN for my parents if i was never caught

52- Favor​ite smell​?
hazel

53- Butte​r,​ plain​,​ or salte​d popco​rn?
kettle corn

54- Ever put a frien​d in a cop car on JukeP​ix?
yeah totally......not.

55- Ever been in a cop car in real life?
no, but i was put under arrest at the tender age of 15

56- Has anyon​e you were close​ to passe​d away recen​tly?
not recently.

57- Our Lady Peace​ or Nicke​lback​?
gag me please.

58- What'​s somet​hing that reall​y bugs you?
my chapped lips!

59- Do you like Micha​el Jacks​on?
Eh

60- Taco Bell or Burge​r King?
ghjsgj. taco bell i guess. not really now that i'm not pregnant anymore.

61-​Favor​ite Food?
currently i love me a grilled chicken caesar wrap i make myself. dang tasty

62- Favor​ite baseb​all team?
none fool.

63- Ever call a 1-​900 phone​ numbe​r?
no but i used to dial 1-800-jenny2000 or whatever the number was for jenny craig and hand the phone to my friends and say it's for you. :]

64- Nippl​e or Nose ring?
nose.

65- What’​s the longe​st you’v​e gone witho​ut sleep​?
i’d say around 48 hours.

66- Last time you went bowli​ng?
was it abby’s birthday? when she wanted to die and not be with her family. last november. i was pregnant and i couldn’t bowl very well because of the whole center of gravity thing.

67- Where​ is the weird​est place​ you’​ve slept​?
my car or at the studio in sacramento.

68- Who was your last phone​ call?
yessica

70- What’​s the close​st orang​e objec​t to you?
waste receptacle.