That’s What She Said!


she really was born with flippers and gills
November 25, 2008, 10:07 pm
Filed under: darling daughter
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fa-la-la-la, i hate this song.
November 25, 2008, 12:32 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

1.
Wrapping paper or gift bags?
oh wrapping paper for sure. i can out-wrap anyone, anytime. bring it.

2.
Real tree or Artificial?
we haven’t had a real tree since abby was a baby because she’s allergic. gee thanks a lot abby. way to suck the joy out of freezing your ass off, hauling the thing home, vacuuming up needles, and watering it all the time. you really suck.

3.
When do you put up the tree?
my mom does it. always after thanksgiving but before my birthday.

4.
When do you take the tree down?
sometime after christmas…sometimes even after new years.

5.
Do you like eggnog?
i hate eggnog. i hate everything about it. i hate the smell, the taste, i hated steaming it for eggnog lattes at starbucks. i wish it never existed.

6.
Favorite gift received as a child?
probably barbies. idk.

7.
Hardest person to buy for?
my dad. he’s too cool for making wish lists. darn, looks like he’s getting vans this year.

8. Easiest person to buy for?
my sisters. there’s so many of us we do a “secret santa” and abby usually figures out who has who about 10 minutes after we draw names. and then she tells everyone. so i have the person i got tell me what they want. pretty lame, no surprises.

9.
Do you have a nativity scene?
my mom has some precious moments miniature display thing that collects dust.

10.
Mail or email Christmas cards?
DUH you mail them. email is so impersonal.

11.
Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
probably ugly clothes. from extended family. my mom does all the shopping for us, and she does pretty good each year.

12.
Favorite Christmas Movie?
um charlie brown for suuureee

13.
When do you start shopping for Christmas?
usually the week before. but i got a lot of people to buy for this year soooo i am going cheap, and starting with my next paycheck.

14.
Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
no that’s mean. but i will be honest here and say i have recycled gifts from the baby shower that hazel never got a chance to use or wear.

15.
Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
christmas day we eat birthday cake for “jesus’s birthday” for b-fast. mmmm

16.
Lights on the tree?
colorful :]

17.
Favorite Christmas song?
not deck the halls, that’s all i can tell you.

18.
Travel at Christmas or stay home?
it depends. our family (extended included) celebrates on christmas eve, and we bounce around from each other’s houses. it’s more often then not our house. this year we’re going to santa cruz to my aunt’s new house

19.
Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer’s?
i could try…ask me when i’m drunk.

20.
Angel on the tree top or a star?
i like stars, ones that light up and are glittery. but we have an angel.

21.
Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
we open all of our family’s gifts on the eve. and then when it’s just us we each get to open one that my mom chooses. and then the next day we have a present frenzy. it started with the one the night before because my parents always did it. and then when i got older i wanted to join in on the fun. and my sisters got wind of it so they do it now too.

22.
Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
the mall, the scrooges, the people EXPECTING certain things cause it’s “the holidays”

23.
Favorite ornament theme or color?
dude idk. but my two favorite ornaments which i always put last are the mice from those down under movies. :]

24.
Favorite for Christmas dinner?
i love turkey and ham what can i say

25.
What do you want for Christmas this year?
a tattoo. a fisheye 35mm camera, makeup, giftcards, things for hazel from my registry.



The seven deadly sins [of writers block]
November 23, 2008, 1:16 pm
Filed under: life

Wrath
Who did you last get angry with?
I can’t really remember. I’ve had my temper under control lately.

What is your weapon of choice?
Words.

Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
Sure would and sure have.

How about the same sex?
I have. Mostly in my own defense.

Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
I wouldn’t be able to tell you. Cause they haven’t told me themselves.

What is your pet peeve?
bad drivers tops the list…it’s actually pretty long.

Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
It depends. With time I usually let them go, but in some cases I’ll be your bff the next day

Sloth
What is one thing you’re suppose to do daily that you haven’t?
Clean my room, wash Hazel’s bottles.

What is the latest you’ve ever woken up?
Probably 5pm, depends on the night before really. Or if I’m sick. Or when I worked at starbucks opening shift and be off by 7:30 am my mom would let me sleep all day. It was glorious.

Name a person you’ve been meaning to contact, but haven’t?
Bill collectors. And Janet from HSA to talk about when my promotion will be…and I don’t know so…uhh, yeah.

What is the last lame excuse that you made?
I’ve been trying this new thing out called honesty. Really, it’s great. I feel better about myself.

Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
Like the 30 min ones after midnight? Only the one for the makeup that Paula Abdul and Pamela Anderson wear supposedly.

How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?

I only use the alarm clock when I have to work an opening shift (TEN AM HAHA) or be somewhere early.
To answer your question if I use the alarm clock, usually a half hour has gone by of me pressing snooze before i roll out of bed, hit my head on Hazel’s crib, get a concussion and go into a 30 year coma.

Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
Chai Tea

Are you a meat eater?
only if it’s boneless and skinless and cooked to the point that you could never tell it was part of a living being before….barf… If I enjoyed more vegetables, I’d be a vegetarian probably.

What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event?
Uhm, this question is stupid. Obviously I would never be able to answer this question because I would never be able to remember.

Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits?
I need to drink more water. There is too much Rockstar in my veins.

Do you enjoy candy and sweets?
cookie dough.

Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?
SPICY FOR SHEEZIE.

Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, “lunch”?
Pretty sure I’m not a cannibal. That’s disgusting.

Greed
How many credit cards do you own?
ZERO

If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?
Buy a house. Pay my parents back money they’ve spent on me, put money away for Hazel’s college.

Would you rather be rich or famous?
Being famous usually means you’re rich and people just give you stuff…so that one.

Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks?
Of course. Can I do it part time?

Pride
What’s one thing that you have done that you’re most proud of?
Had a beautiful baby girl

What’s one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?
uhhh… I’d say the same thing I guess…

What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life?
Raising Hazel to be the best possible person she can be. Having my own happy, healthy family.

Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
Depends on what it is. If it’s surprising to me I achieved second place, sure I’d be stoked.

Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?
Yes. At school.

Have you ever cheated to get a better score?
Who hasn’t.

What did you do today that you’re proud of?
Stretched the truth to sell a customer an extra pair of shoes so we could meet our daily sales goal. (It was 5 minutes before closing and we were 50$ under so I told him that if I were a boy, or if they had my size, I’d totally rock the shoes he picked out. Too bad they were ugly.)

Lust
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)?
There’s a few. Never in a movie, strippers, or locker rooms though…so, yeah.

Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation?
Chest, sure. A lot of my friends have tattoos there. Or they have big boobs and I’m jealous. It’s not creepy

What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice?
jaw, chest, arms, eyes, hair.

Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons?
New Years 2007 was a crazy insane night I (or anyone else that was at our house) cares to talk about.

Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
Some day, that will be my life’s greatest achievement

Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own?
My friends are people who share. So anything of theirs I like, I could just borrow.

Who would you want to go on “Trading Spaces” with?
Idk anyone who wants to. If I were to go on that show I’d ask that they knock down my bedroom wall and expand further into the back yard so hazel and I have a bigger room.

If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be?
myself. But married to Emile Hirsch and being uber rich.

Have you ever been cheated on?
Too many times, sweet.

Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?
Tan skin, smaller nose, a more defined jawline, and longer legs.

What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?
inborn? whatever that means, I’m fine with myself now thanks.

What deadly sin…
Do you do the most often? sloth
Do you do the least often? greed
Is your favorite to act on? lust



i have officially gone off the deep end
November 22, 2008, 1:15 pm
Filed under: crazy, darling daughter

I am obsessed with my baby’s smell.

Like, the way a child LOVES the way their favorite blanket or teddy bear smells right before their mean, horrible, torturous mother washes it. I could sit there and just sniff her for hours. Especially, like the back of her neck for some reason is the best spot.

I actually prefer the scent of Hazel rather than the generic “baby” smell manufactured by Johnson & Johnson.

My mom thinks I’m crazy, and you probably do too.



all we want for x-mas
November 19, 2008, 12:36 pm
Filed under: life

a special post, just for the (((rich?))) lurkers out there :]

fisheye2

fisheye 35mm camera available exclusively at urbanoutfitters.com



available at urbanoutfitters.com

ptru1-4010343dt

walker from babiesrus.com

ptru1-4472531dt

car seat from babiesrus.com

giftcards

any or all of these gift cards

babies r us
baby gap
sephora
victoria’s secret
starbucks
forever21
target
vans
mac
urban outfitters

forgive me, it’s been a slow week.

i do not have much to speak on.



open your ears.
November 12, 2008, 1:00 pm
Filed under: life

Uhm, Hi. Who is this guy and where can I meet him to give him a super big hug?



LOATHED TATTOO FAQ
November 12, 2008, 12:30 pm
Filed under: crazy, vans

So at work tonight, I was ringing a woman and her daughter up. Before I repeat the conversation, I have to say that she looked to be about in her mid-thirties, her daughter looked somewhere around 11-13. By no means did the woman look too conservative or “out of the loop” but who knows… maybe she was raised amish.

As I’m handing this woman’s change and receipt back to her…

Woman: Can I see the inside of your arm..?

Me: Sure…holli(motioning like a dork with my two fingers and a strand of my hair..) I’m a hairstylist. (I have to say that right away because people ALWAYS ask why I have scissors. Sometimes even people who I have done their hair before.)

Woman (GRABBING MY ARM): Is it REAL?

Me: uhm…? (Thinking is she serious?) Yes, it’s very real.

Woman: What about those roses?

Me: (with just a SMIDGE of sarcasm) You know, I’m not too sure. I mean, they’ve been there for an awfully long time. They’re either real or that some really good permanent marker…

Woman: WOW! Did it hurt?

(woman’s daughter now rolling her eyes are starting to wander towards the door)

Me: Yes, all tattoos hurt. That’s what makes them so special.

Woman: They didn’t give you any anesthesia? Or like, a numbing shot?

Me: No…tattoo artists are not doctors, they can’t legally do that. (Seeing her brimming with OODLES of more annoying questions…) Well, have an AWESOME night ladies…. CAN I HELP THE NEXT CUSTOMER IN LINE!?!?

Hmm, and here I thought tattoos were more popular now-a-days. Didn’t think my arm would be molested like that…uhh..ever.

I wonder what she would have done or said if I was wearing a shirt in which you could see my chest tattoo?

((((I WONDER HOW MANY MORE PARENTHESIS I CAN USE IN MY NEXT BLOG POST))))