That’s What She Said!


my head will most likely explode if i don’t get this out.
January 15, 2009, 8:57 pm
Filed under: life

I’m really tired of it.

The drama. The resentment. The judgmental people. It’s not your life. It’s mine.

I am not a bad mom. I know I’m not. My baby is 7 months old and she has never been sick. She is beautiful and healthy and happy. The worst thing I do as a mom is having no money. Other people have their own opinions.

Apparently re-connecting with your ex boyfriend is the worst thing in the world. And people hold rediculous grudges for outrageous amounts of times. I know I really have no reason to explain this situation to any one, because it’s nobody’s business but my own…but I’m going to anyway. I’m sick of the tension, and the looks, and the snide, rude, HURTFUL comments.

Drew and I dated first in 2006, a little while after he broke up with his first girlfriend, S. Well, although I did not know just how crazy she was at the time, I sure do know now. Drew and I may have had a rocky relationship in the beginning. When we were both selfish and less mature. And S didn’t help. When we were together, she would send him texts on the side, and of course Drew would hide them from me, thinking his doing that would keep me from finding out, and ultimately getting jealous and starting a fight. Eh, I found out anyways and got jealous and started a fight. When Drew and I were broken up, to ensure that would wouldn’t get back together, S and her mother together started rumors and spread lies. The most malicious stuff too.  And I mean, why wouldn’t I believe them? Drew wasn’t around to defend himself and why would they lie? Drew lived with them at one point. They MUST be telling the truth!
Not.
I may have passed on things that those two had said to me to friends and close family members. Thinking they were true, I absolutely had no intentions of ever even seeing Drew again, even just at a party or around Tracy.
Obviously, I found out a lot of other things S and her mom had said to me weren’t true, so I started to find holes in their other stories. A lot of things, I just found out lurking comments and profiles on myspace. Others I figured out for myself.

Drew was and is a faithful boyfriend to me. He is head over heels in love with Hazel and has told me on more than one occasion that he’d do anything in the world for her. Some people think he’s not worthy because he doesn’t drive. OH MY GOD HOW DOES ANYONE DO ANYTHING WITH OUT A CAR!?
Or because of his career. Doing tattoos, he makes more in one day, than I do in 2 weeks. Who are you to look down on someone for how they make their money? He’s not selling his body. He’s not selling drugs. He’s not doing anything illegal at all actually. Stop acting like I’m dating a criminal.

It’s also serious between us. So let’s try to keep the comments to ourselves now please. Don’t degrade our relationship because you don’t approve. When have I ever done that to any of my friends or family members? Okay, once that I can think of and that’s because Zoe’s boyfriend called my dad a jerk for no reason. He disrespected our family. Drew never has disrespected anyone in my family. Or any one of my friends. All he wants is a chance to prove himself to the people that matter in my life. He wants to take care of Hazel and I.

Why do people have to intentionally make this situation harder than it needs to be? LET ME BE HAPPY!

I’ve been miserable, if you haven’t noticed, since before I even got pregnant. There’s absolutely no one in this world who has the right to tell me I can’t do what I need to for me and my daughter to be happy.

If you believe otherwise, maybe you don’t belong in my life.

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7 months old
January 8, 2009, 2:07 pm
Filed under: darling daughter

Dear Hazel,

Today you are officially 7 months old. It’s very early in the morning (or late at night, depending on your preference) and you are fast asleep. You are currently teething, and I guess that means you’re a big girl now who thinks she’s too old for naps. You crashed and burned hard tonight. You usually put up a fight at bed time, we rock you and hum and shh you to sleep every single night, but according to the parenting books and blogs, you should have been able to put yourself to sleep like, 4 months ago. Oh well, you’re spoiled.

xmas1You got a walker for Christmas (among a thousand other toys and clothes), and I swear, ever since then, you are progressing with your interest in everything around you. You finally can roll over from your back to your tummy, for the longest time it was like you were a turtle stuck on it’s back. You know how to take your bib off and fling it across the room. You pass whatever toy you’re holding from one hand to the other and back again. Just yesterday morning I said “HI!” to you and I swear you said it back. Of course you don’t know what it means yet, but you mimicked the sound, which I thought was neat.

fiiingersIt’s come to my attention that you have a thing for guys with facial hair. Like mother, like daughter I presume. When I was a baby I thought all men with beards were my father. I also thought ever black guy was Bill Cosby…so I wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. Maybe it’s cause G-Pa has facial hair…when any of my guy friends are around you, if their face is bald you hardly give them the time of day. But if they have even lazy stubble, you are all about it. With the coy looks and the flirty blinks, which you also inherited from me. Okay, that’s it. You’re getting bars on your bedroom window and a 4 pm curfew until you’re married.

faceYou sure are an amazing child with an enormous personality. These seven months have flown right by. I am excited for what this month will bring…teeth? crawling or some form there-of? I love how every day, there is always something new with you.

nye

I love you baby girl.

Love,

Mama.