That’s What She Said!

walkup films
February 18, 2009, 12:28 pm
Filed under: life

He may be only a junior in highschool, but this kid, Jon Walkup, is loaded with incredible talent. He makes movies, which started as a hobby. But it’s now what he wants to do with his life. Every time I talk to him he always says, “Hollie, when I’m 18, you and Hazel and I are all moving to L.A. and I’m going to become a famous movie director and we’re going to get married and be hella rich.”

He’s currently working on his first full length feature. He keeps telling me I can have a part in it. We’ll see….

Support one of my best friends and his dream to make it big in Hollywood one day.


my head will most likely explode if i don’t get this out.
January 15, 2009, 8:57 pm
Filed under: life

I’m really tired of it.

The drama. The resentment. The judgmental people. It’s not your life. It’s mine.

I am not a bad mom. I know I’m not. My baby is 7 months old and she has never been sick. She is beautiful and healthy and happy. The worst thing I do as a mom is having no money. Other people have their own opinions.

Apparently re-connecting with your ex boyfriend is the worst thing in the world. And people hold rediculous grudges for outrageous amounts of times. I know I really have no reason to explain this situation to any one, because it’s nobody’s business but my own…but I’m going to anyway. I’m sick of the tension, and the looks, and the snide, rude, HURTFUL comments.

Drew and I dated first in 2006, a little while after he broke up with his first girlfriend, S. Well, although I did not know just how crazy she was at the time, I sure do know now. Drew and I may have had a rocky relationship in the beginning. When we were both selfish and less mature. And S didn’t help. When we were together, she would send him texts on the side, and of course Drew would hide them from me, thinking his doing that would keep me from finding out, and ultimately getting jealous and starting a fight. Eh, I found out anyways and got jealous and started a fight. When Drew and I were broken up, to ensure that would wouldn’t get back together, S and her mother together started rumors and spread lies. The most malicious stuff too.  And I mean, why wouldn’t I believe them? Drew wasn’t around to defend himself and why would they lie? Drew lived with them at one point. They MUST be telling the truth!
I may have passed on things that those two had said to me to friends and close family members. Thinking they were true, I absolutely had no intentions of ever even seeing Drew again, even just at a party or around Tracy.
Obviously, I found out a lot of other things S and her mom had said to me weren’t true, so I started to find holes in their other stories. A lot of things, I just found out lurking comments and profiles on myspace. Others I figured out for myself.

Drew was and is a faithful boyfriend to me. He is head over heels in love with Hazel and has told me on more than one occasion that he’d do anything in the world for her. Some people think he’s not worthy because he doesn’t drive. OH MY GOD HOW DOES ANYONE DO ANYTHING WITH OUT A CAR!?
Or because of his career. Doing tattoos, he makes more in one day, than I do in 2 weeks. Who are you to look down on someone for how they make their money? He’s not selling his body. He’s not selling drugs. He’s not doing anything illegal at all actually. Stop acting like I’m dating a criminal.

It’s also serious between us. So let’s try to keep the comments to ourselves now please. Don’t degrade our relationship because you don’t approve. When have I ever done that to any of my friends or family members? Okay, once that I can think of and that’s because Zoe’s boyfriend called my dad a jerk for no reason. He disrespected our family. Drew never has disrespected anyone in my family. Or any one of my friends. All he wants is a chance to prove himself to the people that matter in my life. He wants to take care of Hazel and I.

Why do people have to intentionally make this situation harder than it needs to be? LET ME BE HAPPY!

I’ve been miserable, if you haven’t noticed, since before I even got pregnant. There’s absolutely no one in this world who has the right to tell me I can’t do what I need to for me and my daughter to be happy.

If you believe otherwise, maybe you don’t belong in my life.

December 27, 2008, 3:30 am
Filed under: life


my grandfather who passed away 2 years ago, and i as a baby about 7 months old.

rip, g-pa.
i miss being a little girl and coming over to pick the raspberries growing in your garden.
and sitting at the tv tray table in the living room coloring while you and my dad watched football every saturday after he’d do your yard work.
and wanting to play with your teddy bears that you collected so bad.
and sneaking drinks of your diet pepsi and the carbonation burning my mouth and nose.
and how you smelled of cigarettes and leather. always. even when you quit cause of the cancer.

you are missed.
and loved.

stupidity runs amok in this town
December 4, 2008, 1:38 am
Filed under: bux, life, stupidity

First of all, I started this blog entry with amok being spelled “amuck” uhhh, seems right. It’s not, I googled it and I guess I myself fit in the stupidity category I’m creating.

Yesterday, at Starbucks, before Hazel and I started on our errands for the day, I went to my old store to visit and get a Salted Caramel Espresso Truffle (YUM!) There’s this new girl working. Never seen her before in my life. Maybe she’s from a different store, or just caught on quickly because she made my drink and it was perfect. Anyways, she asks me if I have curly hair. And for whatever reason, I totally did not see this one coming.

-So do you have curly hair?
No, uhh, sometimes I wear it wavy or loose curls…(a really awkward response..)
-Don’t you go to Sierra High school?
No, (pointing to my baby) I’m an adult. And I graduated ’05
-There was this girl that came in the other day with a woman named Lori. They both look like you so much!
(my ex-coworkers are giving her the crazy eye by this point)
My sister Zoe has really curly hair. She’s 16 and she was most likely in here with my mom. Laura. And yea, we do kind of look a like. You know, DNA and all that has something to do with it.

Cuteness Update
December 3, 2008, 1:29 pm
Filed under: darling daughter, life

I’ve had a nice, non-weekend break so far. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off. SCORE!

Which means, more mommy/Hazel time. Can I just say that’s she’s been pleasantly more cuter with each passing day? I know I will be doing my letter to her in a few days. But since I plan to actually print those out and do something cute like, decorate a notebook and put all those in there to give to her on a special day or a birthday, but I have to update so I don’t forget.

Yesterday (being Monday) we had a lazy day around the house. Just playing and napping mostly. Until Dannie was off work and we met up with her to pick up her wedding photos and then head over to the mall where I put holes in my daughter’s head. Soon she will have enough to drain spaghetti if she’s anything like her dang rebellious mother. But until then, it’s just some cute little earrings. I have to say I was in SHOCK when the woman who was well into her 50’s working at a pre-teen jewelery store asked if I had shaved her head. I was caught off guard because of all the stupid questions I have ever heard in my life regarding babies, I have never heard that one. So I answered with a hasty “NO! ARE YOU SERIOUS!?” and she kind of shrugged her shoulders and walked away. I now know that Hispanics like to do so and then supposedly smear tomato paste on the infants head to make the hair grow. Uhh, I’m wondering if Hispanics are blind because no offense, but their babies come out looking as hairy as monkeys. And just so we’re clear, Hazel does have hair. It may be light blonde and very very short, but it’s there. She has enough that it gets nappy and matted if I don’t brush it. So IN YOUR FACE WEIRD OLDER LADY.

Okay, so back-tracking, Hazel met Santa yesterday. She was not happy, she was making big huge “boo-boo” faces. After about 8 or 9 shots, the photographer decided he finally got one…she was only smirking. Could not get a smile out of that poor child. So after Santa, and the piercing of the ears, Dannie, Hazel, and I walked over to CPK or California Pizza Kitchen. And totally chowed down, and Hazel licked the salt off of chips. Dannie asked to see the pictures of Hazel and Santa and guess what idiot of a mother didn’t put them back into her purse? This one. Yup. 20 dollars plus tax down the drain. Sweet. I called the restaurant when I got home and they claimed to have not seen them. They weren’t in my car or Dannie’s. No where to be found. So this morning, after our WIC appointment, we ventured off to the mall so I could buy some long sleeved shirts (I sold or donated all my old ones when I was big and fat and pregnant to make room for baby clothes in my closet) and some scarves and retake a Santa picture. This time she LOVED it. They were laughing and having a great old time. Especially when the photographer brought out the Eva toy from Wall-E. Let me tell you, the kid loves Wall-E. Almost as much as she loves Sesame Street. I held on to those effing pictures for dear life. No way in hell am I wasting another twenty dollars! So here is Santa, take two


aaah I know right? So cute.

Tomorrow looks like it will be another lazy day. Looking forward to it! :]

The seven deadly sins [of writers block]
November 23, 2008, 1:16 pm
Filed under: life

Who did you last get angry with?
I can’t really remember. I’ve had my temper under control lately.

What is your weapon of choice?

Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
Sure would and sure have.

How about the same sex?
I have. Mostly in my own defense.

Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
I wouldn’t be able to tell you. Cause they haven’t told me themselves.

What is your pet peeve?
bad drivers tops the list…it’s actually pretty long.

Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
It depends. With time I usually let them go, but in some cases I’ll be your bff the next day

What is one thing you’re suppose to do daily that you haven’t?
Clean my room, wash Hazel’s bottles.

What is the latest you’ve ever woken up?
Probably 5pm, depends on the night before really. Or if I’m sick. Or when I worked at starbucks opening shift and be off by 7:30 am my mom would let me sleep all day. It was glorious.

Name a person you’ve been meaning to contact, but haven’t?
Bill collectors. And Janet from HSA to talk about when my promotion will be…and I don’t know so…uhh, yeah.

What is the last lame excuse that you made?
I’ve been trying this new thing out called honesty. Really, it’s great. I feel better about myself.

Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
Like the 30 min ones after midnight? Only the one for the makeup that Paula Abdul and Pamela Anderson wear supposedly.

How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?

I only use the alarm clock when I have to work an opening shift (TEN AM HAHA) or be somewhere early.
To answer your question if I use the alarm clock, usually a half hour has gone by of me pressing snooze before i roll out of bed, hit my head on Hazel’s crib, get a concussion and go into a 30 year coma.

What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
Chai Tea

Are you a meat eater?
only if it’s boneless and skinless and cooked to the point that you could never tell it was part of a living being before….barf… If I enjoyed more vegetables, I’d be a vegetarian probably.

What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event?
Uhm, this question is stupid. Obviously I would never be able to answer this question because I would never be able to remember.

Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits?
I need to drink more water. There is too much Rockstar in my veins.

Do you enjoy candy and sweets?
cookie dough.

Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?

Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, “lunch”?
Pretty sure I’m not a cannibal. That’s disgusting.

How many credit cards do you own?

If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?
Buy a house. Pay my parents back money they’ve spent on me, put money away for Hazel’s college.

Would you rather be rich or famous?
Being famous usually means you’re rich and people just give you stuff…so that one.

Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks?
Of course. Can I do it part time?

What’s one thing that you have done that you’re most proud of?
Had a beautiful baby girl

What’s one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?
uhhh… I’d say the same thing I guess…

What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life?
Raising Hazel to be the best possible person she can be. Having my own happy, healthy family.

Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
Depends on what it is. If it’s surprising to me I achieved second place, sure I’d be stoked.

Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?
Yes. At school.

Have you ever cheated to get a better score?
Who hasn’t.

What did you do today that you’re proud of?
Stretched the truth to sell a customer an extra pair of shoes so we could meet our daily sales goal. (It was 5 minutes before closing and we were 50$ under so I told him that if I were a boy, or if they had my size, I’d totally rock the shoes he picked out. Too bad they were ugly.)

How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)?
There’s a few. Never in a movie, strippers, or locker rooms though…so, yeah.

Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation?
Chest, sure. A lot of my friends have tattoos there. Or they have big boobs and I’m jealous. It’s not creepy

What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice?
jaw, chest, arms, eyes, hair.

Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons?
New Years 2007 was a crazy insane night I (or anyone else that was at our house) cares to talk about.

Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
Some day, that will be my life’s greatest achievement

What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own?
My friends are people who share. So anything of theirs I like, I could just borrow.

Who would you want to go on “Trading Spaces” with?
Idk anyone who wants to. If I were to go on that show I’d ask that they knock down my bedroom wall and expand further into the back yard so hazel and I have a bigger room.

If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be?
myself. But married to Emile Hirsch and being uber rich.

Have you ever been cheated on?
Too many times, sweet.

Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?
Tan skin, smaller nose, a more defined jawline, and longer legs.

What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?
inborn? whatever that means, I’m fine with myself now thanks.

What deadly sin…
Do you do the most often? sloth
Do you do the least often? greed
Is your favorite to act on? lust

all we want for x-mas
November 19, 2008, 12:36 pm
Filed under: life

a special post, just for the (((rich?))) lurkers out there :]


fisheye 35mm camera available exclusively at

available at


walker from


car seat from


any or all of these gift cards

babies r us
baby gap
victoria’s secret
urban outfitters

forgive me, it’s been a slow week.

i do not have much to speak on.